Have you ever pondered the narratives that shape our approach to aging, particularly as women? Our latest episode at MahoganyBooks brings together Lyn Slater, Christine Platt, and Elizabeth White, three authors who unravel this complex web with works that challenge and redefine societal expectations. Through Lyn's 'How to Be Old,' Christine's 'The Afromnimalist's Guide to Living with Less,' and Elizabeth's '55, Underemployed, and Faking Normal,' we journey into the depths of aging with dignity, the liberation of minimalism, and the stark reality of financial instability that lurks beneath the surface for many approaching their golden years.
As my husband and I champion the rich tapestry of African American literature, we also turn a critical eye to the 'forgotten middle'—those navigating the precarious stretch between retirement and the twilight of life. Our panelists share personal stories that underscore the urgency of reimagining policies and support structures to better serve this demographic. They offer a powerful antidote to the extremes that glamorize either decline or unrealistic agelessness, revealing the importance of preparation in all facets of life.
Wrapping up this compelling session, we engage in a heartfelt dialogue on the transformative potential of African American literature to spark change. We delve into the intergenerational gaps within housing, the often invisible contributions of older women, and the innovations in dementia care that beckon us to rethink our approach to communal living. The conversation doesn’t just end here; it's a clarion call to action, an invitation to join the movement of Black Books Matter, where we continuously amplify these critical voices and stories that shape our world.
MakerSPACE is here to meet the needs of today’s entrepreneurs, creatives, and work-from-home professionals. We do this through private offices, coworking spaces, and a host of other resources, including conference rooms, a photo studio, podcast studios; a creative workshop, and a retail showroom—that is perfect for any e-commerce brand. Mention code MAHOGANY for all current specials, as we have two locations to best serve you.
Visit MahoganyBooks and use code 'Front Row' to save 10% on your first purchase. #BlackBooksMatter
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the MahoganyBooks Podcast Network, your gateway to the world of African American
[00:00:05] literature. We're proud to present a collection of podcasts dedicated to exploring the depth
[00:00:11] and richness of African American literature. Immerse yourself in podcasts like Black Books
[00:00:16] Matter the Podcast where we learn about the books and major life moments that influence
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[00:00:26] amazing people to talk about the meaningful books in their lives. So, whether you're a
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[00:00:45] How are y'all doing? I'm from Oklahoma and I say y'all how are y'all doing? Thank
[00:00:52] you so much for making space, for making intentional time to be here for this amazing,
[00:00:58] amazing conversation tonight. My name is Ramunda Young and I am half of the ownership of MahoganyBooks.
[00:01:04] The other half is my husband back there. Hey, there he is. Amazing husband. We've
[00:01:11] actually been in business for 16 years, 21 years married. And so thank you, thank
[00:01:16] you. Yes, clap it up. Yes. MahoganyBooks has been a labor of love for us for 16 years and
[00:01:24] the whole premise was how do we make black books accessible no matter where you live in
[00:01:29] the United States? And so for 16 years we've been shipping books all over the United States
[00:01:33] about books about history and culture and community. And so for you all to be in
[00:01:40] this space today and to be a part of this amazing conversation that impacts everyone,
[00:01:45] anyone, doesn't my heart so good? So give yourselves a big round of applause. Yeah, you fought the
[00:01:52] DC traffic and all that kind of good stuff. But I won't belay by the point you are here
[00:01:56] in for a treat. We have three authors but we are here to celebrate of course the
[00:02:01] book birthday, I call it for How to Be Old by Lynn Slater. Let's give it up
[00:02:05] for Lynn. Yes, yes. This conversation is dear to me because it impacts so many of
[00:02:12] us. And to be in a conversation that had this happen right here in DC, I am thrilled.
[00:02:21] Our company is thrilled and I'm excited because the other two authors that we have
[00:02:27] here, we have Christine Platt. She is the author of the Afro minimalist guide to
[00:02:31] living with less. Give it up. Yes. This book, I know you have Lynn's book but
[00:02:38] I encourage you. This book changed my life in a very, very profound way and to have her
[00:02:44] in conversation with Lynn today is something that I'm thrilled about as well. So this
[00:02:48] is the Afro minimalist guide to living with less. It's for everyone. Everyone can look
[00:02:53] at their lives and see what we can do to live with less in this world that we're
[00:02:58] bombarded with so much more, right? And so this other author here today is
[00:03:04] Elizabeth White. Her book is 55, underemployed and faking normal. Hello, yes. What? Amazing
[00:03:14] author but also actually in Christine too, I was going to say dear friend both, she
[00:03:18] and Christine are very dear friends. Elizabeth I've known for about 25 years so she's
[00:03:22] someone who has a special place in my heart. So to have her in conversation with
[00:03:27] Lynn and with Christine just brings me joy and you guys are in for a treat. So
[00:03:31] please help me welcome three. You guys can come for one off. You got three tonight.
[00:03:36] Please help me welcome Lynn, Christine and Elizabeth tonight.
[00:04:02] There we go. Let me just hold that back a little bit. Actually, do I need it?
[00:04:17] Oh, yes. Okay. And confirming it is Thursday. Nina, is it Thursday? Okay. All right. Sad
[00:04:25] to make sure. Hello, everyone and welcome. I am so excited to be in conversation with
[00:04:35] Lynn and Elizabeth tonight. Lynn and I met on Instagram and of all places, right? And
[00:04:46] our friendship has been just such a such a soul awakening moment in the
[00:04:55] life and she has become a sister to me, a dear friend, a mentor and Ramonda
[00:05:04] introduced me to Elizabeth. And now I am just blessed to have these two fabulous
[00:05:09] women like literally shepherd and guide me into how to be old and wonderful and
[00:05:17] fabulous. And so I could go on and on. This is the first time I am moderating
[00:05:23] a conversation where I actually have to use notes because otherwise I will not get
[00:05:28] through my questions because I could go on and on and on with these two. And so,
[00:05:35] again, first of all, I just want to say what an honor it is to be in
[00:05:38] conversation with both of you beautiful women tonight. You have both been such
[00:05:44] inspirations and incredible role models for and to me, which is where I want
[00:05:51] to start our conversation tonight with acknowledging the responsibility that we
[00:05:56] have to each other as women and femmes. And I think that's what's at the core of
[00:06:02] both of your books, this responsibility of being honest about what it means to
[00:06:08] grow older, to age and what that truly looks and feels like in a world that
[00:06:15] if we're not careful would have women believe growing older is the worst thing
[00:06:20] that could ever happen to us. When in fact it is some of the best times in women's
[00:06:27] lives, okay? And that is not me just saying that. That has been the subject
[00:06:34] of many scholarly research papers, right? And so I really want to start
[00:06:41] the conversation there. And Elizabeth, let's start with you. What was your
[00:06:46] inspiration and motivation behind writing your book, 55 Under Employed and Faking
[00:06:54] Normal? What a title y'all, right?
[00:07:04] There you go.
[00:07:06] Now am I on? Yes. So I wrote the book as my own lived experience. I was somebody
[00:07:14] who had done really well and in my mid 50s stepped out a banana peel, losing
[00:07:22] two big consulting jobs, not worried because I've got the props and credentials,
[00:07:26] Harvard MBA, et cetera, World Bank and suddenly couldn't find work. And after
[00:07:32] a few years of looking, hit a place of despair, wrote an essay describing
[00:07:37] what it was like. The essay went viral and what I thought was just the story
[00:07:43] of me and a few friends, I realized that there were millions of people,
[00:07:49] many, many women who had done well all their lives and now as they got into
[00:07:55] late middle age and got older, were finding it hard to find work. And the
[00:08:04] truth is if you make it to 60 in reasonably good health, you're going to
[00:08:09] live well into your 80s. So most Americans, we were talking about this
[00:08:16] earlier, don't have the million plus dollars that it's going to take to
[00:08:24] maintain their lifestyle all those years. And it's a conversation we're not
[00:08:30] having. And so I wrote the book to sound the alarm on the retirement income
[00:08:36] crisis, especially as it impacts women. Now you all see why I had to have
[00:08:48] notes, right? And Lynn, you have a new book out that says,
[00:08:54] that addresses the same conversation as the name implies how to be old. What
[00:09:00] was your inspiration and motivation behind writing your memoir?
[00:09:05] Well, in 2014, just as a fun thing to do, I had just turned 60. I wanted to
[00:09:17] just explore a different part of myself. I've been a social worker for 47
[00:09:22] years. I was a professor of social work at the time. And I took some classes in
[00:09:27] a fashion school and people said, oh, you should start a blog. You have great
[00:09:32] style. And I did. And it was, I had no intention. I had not a clue you could
[00:09:39] make money from it. I mean, I was a social worker. So I just started
[00:09:46] doing it. And I think because I was doing it just out of pleasure and I was having
[00:09:52] so much fun and a good time that I started to become seen by, you know, the
[00:10:01] powers that be, so to speak. And once I began to shift into being more
[00:10:07] visible, I started to lose control of the story that I wanted to tell. And one of
[00:10:19] the things that happened over time was, you know, the media and society, they
[00:10:24] kind of put me out as being this, oh, this is how everyone should age without
[00:10:30] identifying my privilege and also putting me forth as, you know, this is the model.
[00:10:39] And I had done this commercial and, you know, in the midst of getting lost in social
[00:10:49] media and the transition from being just a blogger, having a great time into
[00:10:55] being an influencer on Instagram, I lost myself in the craziness of that. And I started
[00:11:07] to be very like, oh, age is just an illusion. And I started to get emails for the very
[00:11:14] first time from women who were saying, honey, this is my life. Right? I am
[00:11:21] working till I'm 80. I am taking care of my partner. I am having trouble keeping a roof
[00:11:30] over my head, our head. And, you know, for me and I'm dealing with age discrimination.
[00:11:38] And for me, this is not an illusion. And so that kind of triggered that began a process
[00:11:45] of me retreating. And the memoir is really that it shows that process, but it is my way
[00:11:53] of taking back my narrative that I am just a regular woman again getting old. And there
[00:12:00] are good parts of that and parts that suck. But it's also an opportunity for me to
[00:12:06] be creative if we're not afraid to look at the parts that are challenging to think of creative
[00:12:14] ways to respond. So that's the message I wanted to do.
[00:12:20] Yeah, I love that. And for folks who may not know, that is one of the ways that
[00:12:27] Lynn and I connect with each other. And I think that's a great way to
[00:12:33] think about it. One of the ways that Lynn and I connected is because I was feeling the
[00:12:39] same way with Afro Minimalist, right? There became this sort of season of being online
[00:12:48] where it wasn't your end, like we didn't set out to become influencers, right?
[00:12:54] Like we started social media accounts like everyone else just to share these parts
[00:12:59] of our lives and hope to meet other people that we would be in community with,
[00:13:05] which was a great time for a while. And then we both found ourselves, you know, we would talk
[00:13:12] and we would just say like, gosh, I am so tired, right? Of like this content that we were
[00:13:19] expected to make versus what we were originally just making being ourselves.
[00:13:25] And so we began this journey of really reclaiming our narratives and really reinventing ourselves
[00:13:35] in a really beautiful way. And I think, you know, that leads to one of my next questions
[00:13:41] for you both because one among many things that bothers me about aging and ageism is this
[00:13:48] emphasis on women's appearances. And I say women because men are almost celebrated when it comes to aging, right?
[00:13:57] They're like, oh, a little salt and pepper. You feel cute, right?
[00:14:02] Yeah, right? Yeah, they're so distinguished, right? Whereas women, you know, we're sort of carved into these two buckets, right?
[00:14:08] It's like exceptionalism, which is what you were mentioning, Lynn, or like extinction, right?
[00:14:15] Like that's how it feels in a way. And I'd love for you both to address that.
[00:14:21] This idea that you're either old and fabulous and running marathons and, you know,
[00:14:26] or you're just withering away in a corner somewhere, right?
[00:14:30] And no one addresses really this in between, which is what these two things are.
[00:14:35] I feel so well. And that's where the majority of us find ourselves, right?
[00:14:41] That's where the majority of people realistically are, right?
[00:14:45] If you are in here and you can run a marathon kudos to you, right?
[00:14:49] But like the majority of folks, right? You know, there we see these visions of like the 80 year old who can lift 200 pounds and run, you know,
[00:14:57] and it's just like, well, what about the age of the person who is in the middle of the world?
[00:15:02] And I feel that both of your books really speak directly to the spectrum of women.
[00:15:08] And so I'd love for you both to sort of share your thoughts on that.
[00:15:12] And Elizabeth will turn to you.
[00:15:14] So, girl, put that mic up. They ready?
[00:15:17] So we were talking earlier about how aging well gets defined as a good life.
[00:15:22] So, Elizabeth, you know, you're not going to be a good life.
[00:15:26] So we were talking earlier about how aging well gets defined as that.
[00:15:33] You know, how many marathons can you run, etc.
[00:15:37] And or you're, you know, eating cat food under a bridge and there is, you know, sort of this forgotten middle.
[00:15:44] And it's a forgotten middle also in terms of the economics.
[00:15:47] There are so many people who, because what I say in the book is the Calvary's not coming for all of us who need help
[00:15:55] because the forgotten middle are those people who make a little too much to get any kind of government assistance.
[00:16:04] But they cannot afford senior housing.
[00:16:08] So there's this middle area where we're not really having an honest conversation.
[00:16:15] And we're not having a conversation about longevity.
[00:16:20] Right now half the five year olds are going to live to be 100.
[00:16:26] So when we talk about how much longer we're going to live, like just a quick example when Social Security was started in 1935,
[00:16:37] life expectancy at birth was 70.
[00:16:39] So basically 65 you just had a few years to put together.
[00:16:43] Now you may have 25, 30 years to put together.
[00:16:48] And we're not set up for that.
[00:16:50] It's like our old age policy is stuck in some kind of time warp.
[00:16:57] You know, I just want to say something.
[00:17:00] What you reminded me of is a conversation that I had with my mother and for those of you who are on Instagram,
[00:17:06] y'all know my mommy, my sweet mommy.
[00:17:08] And she was living in a senior apartment complex at the time.
[00:17:14] And you know, she met a woman there who was 98.
[00:17:19] And you know, they sparked up this conversation and the woman told her this story that has just stuck with me.
[00:17:27] And she said, you know, I did everything I wanted to do up until the age of 50.
[00:17:33] I ate everything.
[00:17:35] I drank everything.
[00:17:37] I slept with everything.
[00:17:39] Like she lived her best life.
[00:17:41] Okay.
[00:17:43] And she told my mom, I never imagined I would live 48 more years.
[00:17:51] Right.
[00:17:53] And it started making me think of what is my half life?
[00:17:57] You know, like at the time, I think I was like 44 maybe.
[00:18:00] And I was like, what if 45 is my half life?
[00:18:05] And I still have 45 more years to live.
[00:18:10] And I prepared to live 45 more years well, happy, healthy, whole.
[00:18:20] And so you just saying that Elizabeth really made me think of that story.
[00:18:24] And I want us all to just kind of, you know, keep that close to our chest.
[00:18:31] Lynn, I would love your thoughts on this sort of like why is no one addressing this middle ground, this exceptionalism or extinction when we have all the statistics?
[00:18:43] We have, we know what is coming.
[00:18:47] Well, I think, you know, part of the problem is that a lot of the structures in society that used to support us like jobs with pensions and things like that are now no longer.
[00:19:00] And I know for me that, you know, as a social worker, most of my jobs did not have pensions or retirement accounts.
[00:19:09] And I entered my fifties having about $7,000 for retirement.
[00:19:17] And so once I became a professor, I could begin to catch up.
[00:19:23] But I do believe that that made me vulnerable to all of this obscene money that gets thrown in front of your face when you have a large following.
[00:19:36] I mean, I wasn't even chasing after it and it was coming to me.
[00:19:43] And so I think it did make me vulnerable that, you know, we get paid so much less for caring work than I got paid to put clothes on my body and, you know, take a photo.
[00:19:57] And so I think the thing with appearance, right, is I just have to, I'll tell you a story which is my idea of that appearance.
[00:20:12] So I watched The Golden Bachelor.
[00:20:15] I don't know if any of you saw it.
[00:20:18] I watched the first episode and it was then all done for me.
[00:20:25] And everybody is going crazy on social media about how this is like such an anti-ageous thing and how wonderful it is.
[00:20:36] And in the very first episode, there was, you know, after the woman who flashed and showed her birthday suit, you know, that were all so hot,
[00:20:48] there comes a woman out of the limo and she's got gray curly hair, a house dress and a walker.
[00:20:58] And she starts heading towards the bachelor who very disingenuously says, do you need help?
[00:21:07] Oh my God.
[00:21:08] And so she takes off, throws off the wig, throws off the house dress, throws the walker away and she's got this perfectly fit buff body strapless dress, not gray hair,
[00:21:26] and says, do I look like I need help?
[00:21:31] And that is telling you, that's a warning to you about who's desirable and who's wonderful.
[00:21:42] And the message to me that is so dangerous is what Elizabeth was talking about,
[00:21:49] that if this image of aging now is someone who's ageless, independent and needs nothing,
[00:21:57] what do you think policymakers and innovators are going to do?
[00:22:03] They're going to say they don't need anything.
[00:22:06] And so to me, those two extremes are very, very dangerous in terms of us being able to advocate.
[00:22:16] And I think the other point that Elizabeth is making is that we need to make this be a lifespan issue.
[00:22:25] We need to do preventative care for 10 year olds so that when they are aging, they will be healthier.
[00:22:35] And that we need to find different ways that people can go in and out of the workforce as their life is requiring them to.
[00:22:46] So these two extremes of decline or fabulousness do not allow us to engage our imagination
[00:22:57] in how to make this a time for the 90% of us that are in the middle, I say as a now unfixed income.
[00:23:09] And that's the danger for me with that.
[00:23:14] One quick point about genetics.
[00:23:17] This was a statistic that surprised me.
[00:23:19] And it is that only 20% of our health outcome is tied to our genetics, only 20% at the most.
[00:23:30] So that means our diet, stress level, exercise, environment, food quality, all of that determines how we're going to age.
[00:23:42] So to Lynn's point about we can teach younger people, because younger people right now, what they're doing now is going to determine their outcome in their 50s and 60s.
[00:23:58] And that's a conversation we're not having with our young people.
[00:24:01] I have actually been in my conversations with young women saying, you know, when you're young you have all of these fantasies about, oh am I going to get married?
[00:24:14] Will I have children, etc.
[00:24:16] Now, you know, their bathroom design is on Pinterest.
[00:24:21] But when you're young you never think about who do I want to be as an older woman.
[00:24:26] So I've been saying to young women, make a mood board.
[00:24:31] Make a Pinterest board of who you would see yourself being as an older woman.
[00:24:37] And then we're going to talk about how you can start making it happen today, not when you get there.
[00:24:46] And that goes to Elizabeth's point.
[00:24:48] Your health is being determined when you're 20.
[00:24:52] And you have more control over how you're going to be old than putting cream on your face.
[00:25:00] That reminds me so much of the conversation we had when you were writing this book.
[00:25:07] So when Lynn was writing this book, I mean, I'm very lucky I got to hear like little snippets and, you know, I would get just insight into some of the research that she was doing.
[00:25:18] And I remember you saying that, saying what I do today is determinant of the type of life that I'm going to have when I'm older.
[00:25:30] And so if I do want to be that person that's 80 years old and run on marathons, I should probably start training today.
[00:25:41] Not when I'm 79, right?
[00:25:44] But I think it forced me to really start to think about what do I want that aspect of my life to look like.
[00:25:54] Because for so long, for me 50 was like my dream age.
[00:25:59] And I was like, I can't wait to turn 50.
[00:26:01] I can't wait to, I still can't wait to turn 50.
[00:26:03] I'm so close.
[00:26:05] And now I'm like 50 is like two years away.
[00:26:10] And I feel that now I may have 50 more years if I'm lucky, right?
[00:26:18] And like what do I want that to look like?
[00:26:22] What do I want that to feel like?
[00:26:24] I think those are such powerful conversations to both of your points that younger people should be having.
[00:26:33] Right? Because the sooner we start to think about it, the sooner we start to act on it.
[00:26:40] And we talked about how our bodies and our brains work in concert, right?
[00:26:45] Based on future projections.
[00:26:47] So if it's like I know I want to run that marathon, my body and brain is going to say,
[00:26:52] well you should probably put down that twinkie.
[00:26:55] And you know that's enough margaritas for you.
[00:26:59] You know, but we start, we act and move in a way based on how we see our future selves.
[00:27:09] And Lynn there's a chapter in your book entitled fear not risks and welcome mistakes which I absolutely love.
[00:27:19] What have you learned and how have you learned to embrace this as a mantra as you've grown older?
[00:27:26] Fear not risks and welcome mistakes.
[00:27:31] Well I think if you don't take a risk, right, that you limit sort of what you can have in your life.
[00:27:43] And for me, I hated having my photo taken.
[00:27:50] People don't believe it but I always avoided it.
[00:27:53] And the only way I could do it was to wear sunglasses and not smile.
[00:28:00] And that was sort of me retaining a little bit of my privacy, it was a compromise.
[00:28:10] Then it became like her signature look.
[00:28:13] And then it became my significant like oh she's so cool, she has sunglasses and she doesn't smile.
[00:28:19] So it kind of made me stand out in a very strange way.
[00:28:24] And a lot of women say how come you don't smile?
[00:28:27] And I was like I'm like Victoria Beckham, I smile on the inside.
[00:28:34] But I think I've always been, I, like my first job I had a lot of responsibility.
[00:28:44] I was running a residential treatment center, it was 24 hours a day with people who could do anything any moment in time.
[00:28:53] And I was a neurotic crazed wreck.
[00:28:56] And my supervisor at the time saved my life, she said short of someone dying there's no mistake that can't be fixed.
[00:29:05] And that gave me such relief and she said oh and by the way you're a little grandiose to think you can control everything at the level you think you can.
[00:29:15] And so that, that really became a big part of my life and something that I always taught my students.
[00:29:26] And that there's such relief and responsibility and just a good feeling when you accept responsibility when you've made a mistake.
[00:29:39] And so I think I wrote about that in the book about how badly I felt that it was coming to my attention that there were women out there who I was making or my image was making them compare and feel less than.
[00:29:59] And that was never anything that I wanted to happen.
[00:30:06] And so kind of taking responsibility for it and moving myself out of it and because a lot of women they say oh don't be so hard on yourself you can't control people's feelings.
[00:30:20] But I think when you have a very large platform as I did that one of the problems today is that influencers are not having an ethical code.
[00:30:34] They're not thinking about both the good and the not good impact of what they're doing.
[00:30:41] And I'm not saying that should stop you because it's a great way for a lot of women to make a living.
[00:30:49] But what I'm saying is understand that it is not all positive and that there are other impacts.
[00:30:59] That you as the person running that platform have to take responsibility for.
[00:31:06] And so for me it was all of a sudden I'm like oh I'm actually a social worker not an influencer.
[00:31:14] I recovered my brain.
[00:31:17] And so I did realize that up until 2019 I was still teaching as a social work professor full time.
[00:31:27] And 2019 when I stopped and I retired from that was when I fell off the social media cliff.
[00:31:36] So as long as I had one foot in the real world and was not spending 24 hours a day in the digital world I was balancing.
[00:31:47] But then it was over.
[00:31:48] It was over.
[00:31:50] And so I own that I take responsibility for it.
[00:31:53] It makes me feel really good.
[00:31:55] And I made a decision to move out and to try to be inspirational in a different way than I was.
[00:32:03] Yeah.
[00:32:05] And I think people underestimate the weighted burden that that is you know I would get and still get a lot of offers.
[00:32:18] For Afro minimalist.
[00:32:20] There was only one influencer opportunity that I accepted and it wasn't I didn't have to tell anyone to buy anything.
[00:32:31] It was literally about financial literacy.
[00:32:34] And I was like why can't I get some more of these right.
[00:32:37] But it was always like where this or you know have that.
[00:32:43] And I'm like but I'm literally telling people to live with less.
[00:32:46] You know how is this you know I'm trying to teach people to be more mindful consumers and it's just but this pull in this draw right like also have a kid in college.
[00:33:00] And I can't really pay anybody with likes you know.
[00:33:04] And I remember just being like man I should just sell out just for like two months.
[00:33:09] Two months.
[00:33:11] But it is I mean I think we have to speak to that because as you shared Lynn and I love that you were so honest about that you were in a vulnerable place right.
[00:33:24] And if someone is offering you money to just put this on right.
[00:33:30] And your your platform was a little different.
[00:33:33] So like for me it felt very much like this is awful and this is wrong if I do because I knew people would buy it if I posted it right.
[00:33:43] But then also man it's twenty thousand dollars like they were throwing real money at folks y'all like we're not talking about five hundred dollars a post a thousand dollars a post.
[00:33:54] We're talking twenty thousand dollars a post twenty five thousand dollars a post right.
[00:34:03] And so I think to it's very easy to say oh I would never write until you get something in your inbox saying we'll pay you twenty five thousand dollars to put this on and you have a mortgage and you have bills and you know what I mean.
[00:34:21] And so I really want people because I actually empathize with a lot of influencers who find themselves in those situations.
[00:34:31] And so I love that you talk about that in your book and I love that your memoir was an opportunity for you to reclaim your narrative because I remembered how painful that was that that moment was for you because you didn't sign up for that.
[00:34:47] That wasn't what you joined Instagram for.
[00:34:50] Elizabeth.
[00:34:52] Fifty five under employed and fake and normal.
[00:34:57] We have to talk about this title because I think I think it speaks to everything that we're that we're talking about here right down to the influencing.
[00:35:10] And the risk.
[00:35:11] And yes.
[00:35:13] So I was someone I had gone to Harvard have Harvard MBA.
[00:35:19] I have a master's in international studies from Hopkins.
[00:35:22] I've been an entrepreneur.
[00:35:24] I've been a C-suite executive.
[00:35:26] I'm not supposed to crash.
[00:35:28] I'm not supposed to fail.
[00:35:30] It was humiliating.
[00:35:32] It was embarrassing.
[00:35:34] And there I was.
[00:35:35] And we live in a culture that all you do is talk about how successful you've been and what you've done well.
[00:35:45] And you don't have my kind of background and talk about failure.
[00:35:51] So I'm facing this closed door now I can stand and I can face that door forever or I can turn around.
[00:36:00] And and this is what where I got so much inspiration.
[00:36:05] This is a book you've got to read this book.
[00:36:07] I listen to it and she reads it.
[00:36:09] So that's I love that when the author reads.
[00:36:12] But you also took steps and the ground was there.
[00:36:16] And so I had a point of despair wrote an essay describing what it's like to land here where suddenly you're looking in at a world that you no longer know.
[00:36:29] You no longer belong to and you don't know if you're ever going to get back.
[00:36:33] You're in your late fifties now.
[00:36:36] And it was an editor at a small online called Next Avenue who took a chance and published that essay.
[00:36:51] And overnight there were like 11,000 people commented saying me too.
[00:36:57] So sometimes what you learn is your story that you think you're the only one who's experiencing that you're not.
[00:37:08] And what happens is in a comment they do two sentences.
[00:37:14] They will find your email and then you get a page and a half.
[00:37:19] And then they tell you I'm going to be in DC.
[00:37:21] Do you want to have a coffee?
[00:37:22] And that's how the book was born.
[00:37:25] People coming and telling me their stories.
[00:37:28] But there was the embarrassment in a culture where we're very individualistic and we Instagram is all about I say to my grandson don't compare your outside your inside to their outside.
[00:37:51] Because all the outside is so perfect.
[00:37:55] So it's hard to honestly share what's happened to you.
[00:38:01] But that truth resonates with a lot of people because they are looking for someone.
[00:38:10] They're actually in the 90 percent.
[00:38:14] But that's not the truth that's normally getting told.
[00:38:18] Yeah. One of the things that I love and I'd love for you to share with the audience is I don't know if you all follow Elizabeth online.
[00:38:27] They are having a good time out there.
[00:38:29] Aren't they? Good.
[00:38:31] All right.
[00:38:33] Definitely follow Elizabeth on Instagram.
[00:38:37] Elizabeth White faking normal.
[00:38:39] And accidental icon.
[00:38:41] Accidental icon is no longer an accident.
[00:38:44] But you know so she's icon accidental icon accidental on Instagram.
[00:38:50] And Elizabeth you were recently in Amsterdam for your first co-living conference.
[00:38:56] Right.
[00:38:58] Y'all you have got to watch this real.
[00:39:00] I felt like I was with you live in my best life.
[00:39:03] I'll be she was on a bike.
[00:39:05] It just I was like I want that to be me.
[00:39:07] But the idea of co-living also just like I was like wow I didn't even think about that.
[00:39:18] You know I think women oftentimes we joke you know we joke with our girlfriends were like girl when we go oh we gonna live together.
[00:39:26] You know and so I see this.
[00:39:28] I'm like there's a co-living conference and then I learned about your company New Age Living.
[00:39:33] So can you tell the audience more about co-living and especially with the aging population.
[00:39:43] And just what what's even possible like we don't even know what's possible y'all because we don't talk about it.
[00:39:49] So two years ago I was invited to join a startup venture studio.
[00:39:56] I was 68 at the time I felt like Grandma Moses in there.
[00:40:00] There were five of us and I was the oldest by far like twice the age of almost everybody in there.
[00:40:08] And they invested 800 to a million dollars per person in cash and kind for you to come up with an idea.
[00:40:17] And so I had been sounding the alarm on the retirement income crisis for many years and here was an opportunity to talk about some aspect of solution.
[00:40:28] So I had the opportunity up until then to travel around the country talking and what I would hear often from women is look if I have my housing I can extreme coupon at the rest of the way.
[00:40:42] I can make it.
[00:40:44] And this affordable housing issue we know housing is often our biggest budgetary item.
[00:40:52] And it is the source of our health our well being our stability our security.
[00:40:59] And I had started to see in major cities co-living for young people but not co-living for older adults.
[00:41:09] And I thought what would modern day golden girls golden boys look like.
[00:41:14] And suddenly I had the resources to hire an architect to hire shared living people to go to Amsterdam.
[00:41:25] There's a big co-living conference there talk to people who are doing co-living around the world and come up with this concept that I'm calling New Age co-living for older adults who are aging alone on moderate incomes.
[00:41:40] And so we're now in the process of raising capital to do that.
[00:41:47] But it came out it was sort of the natural outgrowth of kind of all the things we've been talking about here to do something concrete because there are going to be so many women.
[00:41:59] I saw in your book where she talks about we live longer easily like five years longer.
[00:42:04] So a lot of us if we're not solo ageers now we could end up solo ageers.
[00:42:12] And this culture where everything is everybody needs their own snowblower vacuum cleaner car everything we're going to need to share.
[00:42:23] We're going to need help.
[00:42:26] We're going to need lots of help and we're not having this conversation.
[00:42:31] We've all of us always saw in your book you talked about the care of your mother.
[00:42:37] We have all cared for aging parents.
[00:42:40] We take them to these care homes and we're like we never want to be put there.
[00:42:47] You know we are not our parents or our grandparents and we need more housing solutions to look at.
[00:42:55] And I just I love that you that you share that because I think the reality is also even if you do have resources the places are few and far between.
[00:43:11] And I found that out looking for a place for my mother.
[00:43:16] And you want to talk about like disparity.
[00:43:20] You know it's like either oh my goodness this place is so amazing.
[00:43:25] This is a dream or there is no way in hell I'm leaving my mama in this facility right.
[00:43:32] And then there are wait lists and that like there's so many things that we don't talk about.
[00:43:37] And I think that's the part for me that and we all love to see beautiful older women right.
[00:43:45] But it's so much more than appearances right.
[00:43:50] And I think that is what these two women in their books help us navigate and understand so clearly highly highly encourage everyone to read Elizabeth.
[00:44:03] Oh you did you want to speak to the co-living.
[00:44:05] I. Yes.
[00:44:07] Because I think I want to point out you know Elizabeth spoke about the issue of affordable housing.
[00:44:14] One of the things that media society seems to be held bent on right now is pitting generations against each other.
[00:44:23] And I know every millennial Gen X whatever are having trouble with affordable housing.
[00:44:31] I think another issue is caregiving.
[00:44:36] And so for me while I was taking care of my mother after she passed away shortly after I began taking care of my grandson whose mom had to rush back to work after six weeks because we don't have good maternity leave.
[00:44:57] Or affordable daycare.
[00:45:01] And there were all these viruses in the world at that time.
[00:45:06] And so I said OK I'll do it for the first year of his life six in the morning till five at night.
[00:45:14] I wrote this book with him strapped onto my chest.
[00:45:18] Yeah.
[00:45:20] But this is and I'm 68 doing this.
[00:45:26] But what about all of the other women and every age group who are in the morning saying what am I going to do.
[00:45:36] My child sick.
[00:45:38] I have a meeting I can't miss.
[00:45:39] These are issues that just affect all of us.
[00:45:45] But we're saying OK old people you have to deal with it.
[00:45:49] You know young people you're going to deal with it when in fact if you're a woman your caregiving till the day you die.
[00:45:57] You're even taking care of those people who are upset around you because you're dying.
[00:46:02] Right.
[00:46:04] So I think I think that's our that's our life.
[00:46:07] Right.
[00:46:09] So I and since so much of it is unpaid you know I think we have to really look at intergenerational intergenerational problem solving and solutions.
[00:46:26] And like Elizabeth said young people already figured out this co housing thing.
[00:46:30] A lot of them are doing it.
[00:46:33] And so why should it be just something one generation does when it solves a problem for many.
[00:46:40] I am so sad that I saw the little finger go up that we are we going to be able to take a few questions from the audience.
[00:46:52] Absolutely.
[00:46:54] So just hold your hand up and I'm happy to come over but let's give it up for Lynn Slater Elizabeth White.
[00:47:00] And Christine Platt.
[00:47:05] You have a question just hold your hand up and I'll run over to you.
[00:47:09] And I will hold the mic so it's not used me.
[00:47:21] Hi I'm Robin Leeds very good friend of Elizabeth.
[00:47:25] What I wanted to raise which I think the conversation touched on is really how we integrate public policy advocacy around all of these issues and that in fact these are issues that are not new.
[00:47:43] I grew up in the early days of the second wave of the women's movement.
[00:47:47] I lived in group houses.
[00:47:49] I lived in collectives.
[00:47:51] I've been working on everything from the care economy to the child care tax credit issue to shared housing to afford whatever wages for housework whatever it may be.
[00:48:06] You know there's a long history and movement behind these challenges.
[00:48:11] And I feel strongly that now in particular given all the challenges that we are facing in terms of the cutbacks and the retrenchment on the public policy side that we really all have to get involved and mobilize around these issues very proactively and very intergenerationally.
[00:48:32] And I'm just curious what you think about how to integrate that piece of it into everything we're talking about.
[00:48:41] I love that you said that and thank you for sharing that.
[00:48:45] I want both Elizabeth and Lynn to answer the one thing I will say is that what we're doing tonight and what these women are sharing in their memoirs what they're sharing online.
[00:49:01] Is a big part of that movement right because the first step is awareness.
[00:49:07] And if all we're focusing on is anti aging cream am I going to be able to run that marathon.
[00:49:14] You know all we're focusing on are these sort of and it's not to say that those things aren't important to some folks but in the grand scheme of things.
[00:49:23] I don't want to look up when I'm 80 and say damn I wish I would have saved all that money on anti aging cream because nothing's going to stop you from aging so let's just start there.
[00:49:33] But right like I think awareness is a big part of that right.
[00:49:38] What would you ladies say.
[00:49:39] I would say that we're afraid of old age policy.
[00:49:57] Look at the conversation about Biden and all the negative we are.
[00:50:02] We it may have been policy but it's definitely not been progressive when you look at old age policy.
[00:50:09] It has been I think even up till now about decline.
[00:50:15] You know it's about frailty.
[00:50:19] It's about being a burden to the government.
[00:50:22] That's how older adults are viewed and we are not our parents or our grandparents.
[00:50:30] Right now I think longevity is right up there with climate change as a grand challenge.
[00:50:36] It will change everything in 2030.
[00:50:40] There are going to be more Americans who are over age 65 than there are under 18 so more Americans older Americans than children.
[00:50:51] So that has implications for every aspect of our society housing transportation education labor already right now a third of the workforce is over 50.
[00:51:02] We're not having these conversations.
[00:51:03] What at where what have the things that we have talked about in the past have I believe been framed around old meaning decrepit frail and in decline.
[00:51:22] That's why our policymakers even when they talk about seniors they'll be older than me and they're talking about those people.
[00:51:29] They never say we we older people that is considered a negative in this culture.
[00:51:39] So whatever they've been doing for years and years at a fundamental level old is bad.
[00:51:47] That's at the root of it and we still have not changed that as the fundamental perception.
[00:51:54] Yeah.
[00:51:56] And I think there is I don't know if you're familiar with it.
[00:52:00] It's the Stanford Center for longevity and they have done a plan across the lifespan of what we need to advocate for and how we need and it really is cross generation.
[00:52:18] Everything we have to do from the moment someone is born to address longevity.
[00:52:24] It's about work.
[00:52:26] It's about health.
[00:52:27] It's about what sort of policies are going to support and promote the fact that we are going to be living to 100.
[00:52:37] And it's a great template I've found to have conversations that really are offering some creative interesting solutions to these problems.
[00:52:51] I think I agree with Elizabeth and as a professor of social welfare that we silo in education because of specializations.
[00:53:06] Right.
[00:53:07] You're in social work school and you can major in aging.
[00:53:10] Right.
[00:53:12] When you're doing child and family social work you're talking about kids and their and their parents.
[00:53:18] So I think even educationally right.
[00:53:23] How do we reframe curriculums in medical schools in nursing schools.
[00:53:29] They're all siloed.
[00:53:30] This is my specialty gerontology.
[00:53:33] OK so why can't a gerontologist talk to a 35 year old about what their life is going to be.
[00:53:41] So I think really there are so many different ways that we could begin to go at it.
[00:53:48] And it's an intercultural conversation.
[00:53:51] Right.
[00:53:52] It's an intercultural conversation.
[00:53:54] We all know the more intersections you have the more challenging it will be as you age.
[00:54:02] So thank you both.
[00:54:04] I'd like to ask what are your thoughts around exiting the United States to better manage finances into retirement.
[00:54:12] OK well can I say something because I don't know this has been me.
[00:54:16] OK.
[00:54:17] I have been looking and I think I think a lot of I think a lot of younger folks have been looking where this is not working.
[00:54:27] We see it not working.
[00:54:29] Right.
[00:54:30] We're having conversations about it not working.
[00:54:33] And we're looking at other people who have made those moves.
[00:54:38] Right.
[00:54:39] And saying well health care is affordable there.
[00:54:43] Right.
[00:54:44] Health care is a big determinant for a lot of folks.
[00:54:48] Right.
[00:54:49] Where can I buy land.
[00:54:51] Can I be in a blue zone.
[00:54:53] Can I just pick a mango off a tree and is free and I'll have to pay $10 for it.
[00:54:57] I'm like these are like real conversation that we have to start that we have to start having Elizabeth.
[00:55:05] I'm so curious about your experience in Amsterdam.
[00:55:09] So what I want to talk about is my experience in San Miguel Allende.
[00:55:15] So in my book there was a woman that I met through this whole experience that she had moved there.
[00:55:22] She had lived in New York.
[00:55:24] She had been a caterer there and then just couldn't make it work and visited San Miguel and then moved there.
[00:55:31] And then she wrote me.
[00:55:32] She said there are a lot of American women here you should come.
[00:55:36] So I went there.
[00:55:38] In fact my friend Linda's here.
[00:55:39] She came with me and we visited all these women who were living on from $600 a month.
[00:55:51] From $600 a month to $2000 a month and we went to their various homes and we met and interacted with them and they were able to make it work there.
[00:56:03] There was a health care system two tiered that worked for them.
[00:56:07] There was a very about 10,000 Canadians and Americans come in and out of there.
[00:56:12] In fact some of the long term people Americans who were there did not like that so many people are now moving there.
[00:56:24] But what it said to me is that there is that option.
[00:56:28] So that someone who was living on their $1200 social security check could manage there.
[00:56:38] That it was and could find community there.
[00:56:42] And I must have interviewed maybe eight women different stories and how they got there.
[00:56:50] So this is I think it's viable.
[00:56:53] I think there's a lot online.
[00:56:55] There are Facebook communities that are doing this and talking about it.
[00:56:59] Groups of women who are thinking of moving together looking at Portugal, Costa Rica.
[00:57:07] So, yeah.
[00:57:15] The reason I mentioned Amsterdam is because their health care system there.
[00:57:20] They are one of the few countries in the world that actually specialize in dementia care.
[00:57:28] And there is a community there called Dementia Village.
[00:57:34] Hedgewad, I don't speak Norwegian let me stop trying to pronounce it.
[00:57:40] But it's a nickname Dementia Village and I remember hearing about this model and this concept
[00:57:48] and it was so powerful for me.
[00:57:50] I wrote about it in Rebecca Nott-Becky.
[00:57:52] Dementia care in this country is so problematic.
[00:57:58] And in Dementia Village it is literally a little town that is like a foetown.
[00:58:05] It mimics a real town.
[00:58:08] Everyone there who is like a healthcare worker, they are dressed in normal clothes.
[00:58:17] The folks there basically are living everyday normal lives unaware that they are in a dementia care facility
[00:58:26] as opposed to being in a...
[00:58:29] So we hear the wows, right?
[00:58:31] Like those are the things I think that a lot of younger folks,
[00:58:34] if I have a history of dementia in my family,
[00:58:39] that's something that I'm going to want to consider because I know that this country is not equipped to care for me well.
[00:58:47] I have a really quick question Elizabeth.
[00:58:50] I don't know whether you re...
[00:58:52] I'm sorry here.
[00:58:53] I don't know whether you reference in your book.
[00:58:55] You talked about the co-living spaces.
[00:58:59] Where are they?
[00:59:01] Are they close to being done or are they...
[00:59:05] It's just in the idea stage.
[00:59:08] My book is before I started the New Age Co-living.
[00:59:17] So at the conference what surprised me is...
[00:59:21] Because this conference that in Amsterdam was a co-living conference,
[00:59:25] they came from around the world so all kinds of places
[00:59:30] and there were a few that were dealing with older adults but not in the US.
[00:59:36] I was invited because there was a panel that was just on co-living and older adults
[00:59:42] but the others were European.
[00:59:48] But there's nothing happening here that you know of?
[00:59:51] Not that I know of that is specifically for older adults.
[00:59:55] I have a question here.
[00:59:57] I'm Betsy.
[01:00:04] Okay, I was...
[01:00:08] I was about to say I'm Betsy, I'm an alcoholic.
[01:00:12] I am that too but this isn't the right meeting.
[01:00:17] But I have read about the co-living between younger people, college age people
[01:00:26] and seniors in one of the Nordic countries and think that is fantastic.
[01:00:31] Having lived with my mother, she lived with us for five years until I got her so better
[01:00:35] that she went off to a retirement community.
[01:00:37] But she was very damaged, suffered terribly from depression, etc.
[01:00:43] And being with me was the best place she could be.
[01:00:48] And I have three children and the intergenerational benefits of her living with me was so amazing.
[01:00:55] I mean those three children are only alive because she was in the house.
[01:00:59] I would have killed all of them.
[01:01:06] They all became teenagers and she decided she really needed to move elsewhere.
[01:01:11] But doing that, what really would have helped me, just like young mothers
[01:01:16] really need affordable childcare, the sandwich generation,
[01:01:21] us, really needs senior daycares.
[01:01:25] They can come back home and help me make dinner, etc.
[01:01:30] But at least there's something to give some relief to the caregivers.
[01:01:35] So that's all I wanted to mention.
[01:01:38] So my grandmother, when my grandfather died, lived with us for 25 years
[01:01:44] and I remember my grandmother would go someplace but it was sort of bingo,
[01:01:50] making arts and crafts, not the kinds of things a lot of us in here would want to do.
[01:01:57] But the other point I thought you brought up that you and I spoke about was intergenerational.
[01:02:03] So in the model that I'm thinking of, I'm not thinking of only older adults.
[01:02:08] So I'm thinking multifamily, two or three floors would be new age
[01:02:12] and then you'd have families living because many older people say
[01:02:16] we don't want to be on an island of old people, that's what they're...
[01:02:20] so we want to be in the mix.
[01:02:24] And I think you have to go outside of the US
[01:02:29] where they are really trying to do some innovative designs.
[01:02:36] Like I had read about in Germany because of the automated grocery store checkouts now
[01:02:44] that old people were becoming quite depressed because that was their way of interacting.
[01:02:50] And so what the store did is set up this space in the middle of the store
[01:02:56] where people could sit and they could interact and have conversations.
[01:03:02] Another thing I saw just the other day, you know, if you have to use a wheelchair
[01:03:08] the first thing you're told is well you need to get a contractor in there,
[01:03:12] you got to widen your doorways, you got to lower your countertops.
[01:03:18] I saw this one company, they made a wheelchair that adjusts to your environment
[01:03:27] so you don't have to spend thousands of dollars to make your home.
[01:03:34] But we're not thinking that way here and I think it's very much what you said,
[01:03:41] you said this image that the US has of old.
[01:03:46] I have a question. First of all, you ladies are amazing.
[01:03:52] I'm sure people tell you all that all the time.
[01:03:55] But my question is about the stigma that you may get from other people your age
[01:04:05] or leading up to your age, this mindset that what you're doing is so off the grid
[01:04:13] that you should just calm down and sit down.
[01:04:16] And I wonder if you all experience that at all from people on the online community
[01:04:22] who can be very aggressive and rude sometimes
[01:04:25] or if all of your experiences have just been positive and amazing.
[01:04:29] So that's one question and I'm sorry.
[01:04:31] My second question is for, can I have a second question?
[01:04:35] Sorry.
[01:04:37] So the second one is for Ms. White.
[01:04:40] Just I'm wondering if you've experienced any challenges or seen people in the housing space
[01:04:49] have challenges with acquiring housing based on racial or other minority lines?
[01:04:57] Like obviously women are living a lot older than men
[01:05:01] and I see a lot of women in this space who need housing and need camaraderie and everything
[01:05:07] but I'm wondering if you're noticing any clear distinction between how some communities
[01:05:13] get access and how others may not.
[01:05:16] So thank you.
[01:05:20] What was the first one?
[01:05:22] I'm going to ask.
[01:05:25] A drama.
[01:05:27] People like challenging us like to get back in our lane.
[01:05:35] That happened to me my whole life so it's nothing new.
[01:05:39] I think I can answer from what I have seen
[01:05:43] or how folks online interact with that age.
[01:05:47] All right.
[01:05:50] I think what I have seen and again this is just my perception
[01:05:56] so I know what happens on and goes on in the DMs can be very different
[01:06:01] but I think people are excited to be having these conversations.
[01:06:06] I think we understand that it is time to start having these conversations
[01:06:11] that we are long overdue having these conversations.
[01:06:15] I think what is so shocking to me is that these are the only two women
[01:06:20] that I can really point to that are having these types of conversations.
[01:06:26] I know what's the musky musk dude, Elion Musk.
[01:06:30] I know his mother, she's older and she's...
[01:06:35] Yes honey, May Musk honey.
[01:06:37] But most of us are not May Musk.
[01:06:40] I'm sorry. I don't really want to hear what May Musk has to say
[01:06:44] because May Musk and I live two very different realities, right?
[01:06:49] And so I think what is so beautiful and powerful about these two women
[01:06:54] and what I have seen celebrated online and what has drawn me to them
[01:06:58] and our conversations is that no one else is really talking about this
[01:07:05] and it's time for us to have these conversations.
[01:07:09] So I have seen them be celebrated, right?
[01:07:13] And I think people want more of what we've been talking about
[01:07:18] and less of, girl where you got that dress?
[01:07:21] Right? And I think that was the perception, right?
[01:07:25] It's like, oh women just want to know how other women look fabulous when they're old
[01:07:29] and it's like, no we want to know how to live.
[01:07:32] How can I live out here? You know?
[01:07:40] So when I wrote 55 Under Employed and Faking Normal
[01:07:45] I did get, it wasn't a lot but
[01:07:49] oh you know, your fault, you're irresponsible
[01:07:55] you should have been eating oodles and noodles
[01:07:58] and why didn't you...
[01:08:00] there was a certain amount of that
[01:08:03] but I would say it was not a lot
[01:08:05] and it was worth it for all the people who resonated
[01:08:10] and finally had a way of understanding
[01:08:16] why they were one of millions of people
[01:08:20] who was looking at downward mobility for the first time.
[01:08:26] There was, and so it was worth it to me
[01:08:29] getting you sort of learn to ignore the
[01:08:32] you know, I don't obsess reading them.
[01:08:36] On the new age front almost nothing.
[01:08:39] It has been astonishing the, you know
[01:08:43] I've been thinking about this,
[01:08:45] what are you going to do more? Where is it?
[01:08:48] Which is good because one of the things
[01:08:51] the real estate people were saying to me
[01:08:54] is we need more validation that this is something that people want.
[01:09:00] I have tens of thousands of people saying
[01:09:03] that they are very interested in this
[01:09:05] they can see it, they're very engaged
[01:09:08] so that has been really positive.
[01:09:14] Well basically this week
[01:09:18] an excerpt from my book came out
[01:09:21] and CNN put it out
[01:09:24] and I was describing an experience
[01:09:28] that had with fashion design students at Parsons
[01:09:32] and their assignment was they had to take a group
[01:09:35] who is marginalized from fashion
[01:09:38] and design for them
[01:09:40] and so there was someone who was disabled
[01:09:42] I was the resident old person
[01:09:45] and in the process you know
[01:09:48] they were designed for me
[01:09:50] and then they would show it to the tutors
[01:09:52] and then there would be a critique
[01:09:54] and you know at one point the tutors said
[01:09:57] well I'm getting the idea from what you're putting on her body
[01:10:00] that you don't think she has sex anymore
[01:10:03] and so they were like what?
[01:10:06] So the article in CNN
[01:10:09] the title of it is
[01:10:12] I'm 70 and I think I should still be an object
[01:10:16] of sexual desire
[01:10:19] and so of course the only people
[01:10:22] who ever say mean, bad and nasty things about me
[01:10:25] are old white men
[01:10:28] and so you're ugly, you're old
[01:10:31] you know so you have to
[01:10:34] the people that matter to me
[01:10:36] the vast majority of women
[01:10:38] across all age groups
[01:10:41] they have just been supportive
[01:10:43] like amazing
[01:10:45] and I've been very fortunate in that
[01:10:48] but you know if you're going to put yourself out there
[01:10:53] you have to figure out how am I going to deal with it
[01:10:56] because it will come
[01:10:58] and you know take it where it is coming from
[01:11:03] I think this is a perfect way
[01:11:06] I said two more questions but no
[01:11:09] and I say no because I really want you guys
[01:11:11] to have an opportunity to get your book signed
[01:11:14] so Lynn thank you
[01:11:17] Elizabeth thank you
[01:11:19] Christine thank you
[01:11:23] yeah
[01:11:26] before I
[01:11:28] we'll take a
[01:11:30] I wanted to do a couple of photos so now I need your help
[01:11:32] but I just want to say Christine you were just saying about the conversations
[01:11:35] Elizabeth and I have had several two hour conversations
[01:11:38] about what it means to talk
[01:11:41] a lot of times I feel like women are in silos
[01:11:44] we feel like there's some kind of disconnect
[01:11:46] like they don't know what you know
[01:11:48] I don't know what they're doing and they don't need to know what I'm doing
[01:11:50] but I think we miss out on such a richness of who we are
[01:11:53] and what we can aspire to be in a sisterhood
[01:11:56] right in a sisterhood
[01:11:58] and so I just value those conversations
[01:12:00] I value the conversation that was taken
[01:12:02] that took place today between the three of you
[01:12:04] and I thank you all for being here today as well
[01:12:06] so give yourselves a big round of applause
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