Rising to the Occasion with Shenequa Golding

[00:00:00] I don't look at opportunity and think, yay! I look at opportunity and say how much work is going to be involved with this. I see the work first. That's always been me. What's good? I'm Nikesha Elise Williams and this is Black and Published.

[00:00:17] Bringing you the journeys of writers, poets, playwrights, and storytellers of all kinds. Today's guest is Shenequa Golding, author of the book A Black Girl in the Middle, essays on allegedly figuring it all out. The book addresses friendship fallouts, body acceptance in the age of BBLs, and pulling

[00:00:36] out of the dating pool. I have given so much more than my body to men and I have gotten nothing in return. So that is why I'm no longer having sex until I'm married. And what I have learned about this practice, being absent, is that unfortunately men will

[00:01:04] find other things to take. Shenequa's collection is the culmination of what happened after her essay about being Black in the Workplace after George Floyd's murder went viral. So viral, Amazon founder and billionaire Jeff Bezos reposted it.

[00:01:21] She explains why even though she'd been writing for years, she never thought a book deal was within her reach. Plus, how she's overcoming her own insecurities and why she wants the 20-somethings coming behind her to remember that grace and anger are not mutually exclusive.

[00:01:40] Get to know Shenequa next when Black and Published continues. All right. So Shenequa, let's jump in. When did you know that you were a writer? Oh, so growing up, I was very insecure.

[00:02:02] And I found that the only time that I was my strongest or my boldest is when I wrote on a journal. I loved reading and I distinctly, distinctly remember the first time I ever saw like a Vibe magazine with Tretcho on the cover.

[00:02:19] I remember that moment and how in my like eight or nine year old mind, I wanted to be in the magazine. I didn't want to be famous, but I wanted to be in the magazine. And I didn't know that you could like do that for a living.

[00:02:29] So I guess my love of writing started when I was younger. But like when I started calling myself a writer, probably not until my 20s. What happened in your 20s that made you begin to claim the title of writer?

[00:02:44] Well, I went to Hampton University and like I said, my love of like Vibe and hip hop magazines, I just wanted to do it, right? And then, you know, Brown Sugar came out. So I was like, oh my God, I got to be sit here.

[00:02:56] I like that's I'm living a I'm living a brownstone in Brooklyn. Like, that's what it is. And then I went to the dean of my department at the time and I told him about my love of music and he said something to the effect of, well, you

[00:03:10] know, baby, this is not going to be poetry. We're going to do real writing here. Like just the condescension in his voice because I was referencing Vibe magazine as my North Star. And I remember that year I was like, you know what? Forget that.

[00:03:26] And so that year I decided to become a print journalism major because I wanted to be Sid Shaw. I want to be Danielle Smith and I just worked my way through the ranks. That's what's up. Danielle was on the show last season with her book Shine Bright.

[00:03:41] So working your way through the ranks and you talk about it a bit in your book where you're writing your freelancing, you're doing corporate things. But it was an essay that you wrote during the pandemic that went viral,

[00:03:53] that has really brought us together today that led to your book. So what was it about writing in a very vulnerable time in the world's life when we were all grieving not just from the trauma of George Floyd,

[00:04:10] but just the collective loss of what happened in 2020 that led you to write the essay that you did? Ever since Trayvon Martin, I made it my business not to, if there was any footage, any 911 recordings, I made it my business not to listen, not to see it.

[00:04:30] Not to disrespect the life loss, but it's a lot. It's a lot for me. You know what I mean? So when George Floyd happened, I made it my business not to watch those eight and a half, nine and a half minutes, but you couldn't escape it.

[00:04:45] You know, and it flew across my feet and I just couldn't get over it. But it was Memorial Day weekend, I believe, May 25th. So, you know, we had that Monday off Tuesday, you know, we're in the middle

[00:04:56] of the pandemic, so we're all work, most of us are working from home. And I was in a meeting with some former colleagues and they were white. And it was just a, so what did you do this weekend?

[00:05:07] Like, oh my God, I went out to the islands and it was and I do not think they were being intentionally insensitive. I really believe they did not know nor it was just this is the world that I live

[00:05:22] in, this is the world that you live in and the world that you live in. You don't get to see or have to see this death. And I remember being in this meeting and there was another black girl in that meeting. Am I going to shout her out?

[00:05:34] I kind of wish she had. I don't know where she worked, but we both just went off camera and she like slapped me and she was like, girl. And it was the fact that I had to remain professional in the wake of George Floyd's death.

[00:05:46] So when I wrote my story, maintaining professionalism in the age of black death is a lot, I didn't think anybody was going to notice it. And I know that sounds ridiculous, but I just wrote it. Because I was like, this is how I feel.

[00:05:58] And I wrote it and turns out a lot of people felt that way too. Jeff Bezos. Yeah, I was nervous about that one too. Yeah. What was that moment like for you? You ever spend too much money in one day?

[00:06:10] You just know you just spent too much money. Whether it was on transportation, food, you just did a little bit too much. That is how I felt when I first saw that Mr.

[00:06:20] Bezos reposted it because I did not know how our community was going to react to it. I didn't know if they were going to feel as though Mr. Bezos reposting it would dilute its message. That's how I initially felt. It was just this sinking fear like, hmm.

[00:06:38] And then, thankfully, it had the adverse effect. It was received. And so then the essay being received, you being, I'm assuming, like platformed in new ways where people are looking to you and listening. Did you ever feel like any of that that you were going through

[00:07:02] as you were processing in real time? Everything that was happening was performative? No. I wrote how I felt and everything that happened afterwards was just what happened afterwards. I have never and I will never profess to be an activist, community organizer, thought leader or anything like that.

[00:07:23] I'm just a black girl who wrote a story and it echoed how a lot of people felt. So then what was the journey from there, from that essay to Black Girl in the middle? As you can imagine, my inbox was kind of like flooded

[00:07:37] and I was not paying attention to a lot of it. And then in my agent, Kathy, shout out to Kathy, she reached out to me on my old defunct website. We had a conversation and she was the second agent that reached out to me.

[00:07:52] The first. Are you already your agent or? No, no, no, no. She's not my agent at the time. OK. So she was the second agent that reached out to me. The first agent that I spoke to completely took over the conversation.

[00:08:04] She was just like, well, tell me, you know, some of the chapters in your book. And I said, well, the first chapter is going to be about my name. And she was like, yes, your name. We should expand that.

[00:08:14] I want the entire book to be about your name and the experiences with your name. And she told me the book that she needed me to write for her to pitch. Whereas Kathy said to me, what book do you want to write?

[00:08:28] Because were you even working on a book at the time? Funny enough, two or three years prior, I had written four or five essays that are now in the book and I was going to self publish because I was like, oh, there's no way

[00:08:40] I'm going to get a book deal. I'm there's no. That's not going to happen. So I was going to self publish. So some of the chapters that were in the proposal I had already worked on.

[00:08:50] But I was not prepared to dedicate an entire book just to my name because there's so much more of me than just my name. And when Kathy was just like, what book do you want to write? I was like, all right, but let's do it.

[00:09:05] And so then having her see you in that way and listen to you about what it is that you wanted to write before we get to the publishing process. Can you tell us? I'm assuming the book you wanted to write is the book that I read,

[00:09:20] which I loved. But how did you explain it? To Kathy and in describing to her so that she could sell it? I just told her this is a book about some of the experiences I had, mostly in my 20s, a few in my 30s.

[00:09:37] And it is going to come from the vantage point of a black girl who grew up in Queens, New York. And she said, OK. Bet. Bet. Bet. All right. So then I got one more question before we go to publishing.

[00:09:56] Why did you think you would get a book deal for that kind of book? Oh, girl, I know how challenging it is to be a writer. I know how challenging it is to be a paid writer, a full time writer, getting a book deal.

[00:10:10] Girl, I was just like, that's not going to happen. Not for me. No, it's not. Like, I might I might be able to like go viral on Twitter once or twice. Like, I might hit a little while.

[00:10:21] That's like, I just did not ever really think that I was going to ever happen for me. And God was just like, OK, girl. That's what it was. But I just I just I can't maybe to insecurity. It is insecurity. There is no other way to describe it.

[00:10:38] Yeah, because I was going to say, like we're the same age. And so I'm like, it's not that you didn't see other black women writers that look like you because we can both call examples. Wow, have you gotten over that?

[00:10:54] But that kind of insecurity now that the book is here. I think I have. But I am somebody. How do I say this? I don't look at opportunity and think, yeah, I look at opportunity and say how much work is going to be involved with this.

[00:11:11] I see the work first. That's always been me. And so the work to get a book deal. So I think that's what I was focused on. I got you. I got you. That makes sense to me now. So then working with Cathy, putting together the proposal,

[00:11:29] going on submission, what was your journey like in talking to publishers and editors about this collection? I didn't really get many people buying for my book. I got a lot of we just bought a book just like this. You know, like people would say like I love it,

[00:11:46] but I literally just bought another collection of essays from a black woman or they would not get back to Cathy. And it's no shade to anyone because there's always proposals coming in with Maya at Beacon Press. Shout out to Maya.

[00:12:00] I feel like Maya read the book and like, you know, this could be like one of my homegirls. And I think that's why Maya over at Beacon Press dug it so much. You know what I'm saying? And I'm so thankful for it.

[00:12:12] Prior to getting it to Maya, I worked with another editor. Her name is Fernanda Martinez. How many do I have a number of shout outs I can give? You can shout out as many people as you need.

[00:12:28] All right, so shout out to Fernanda Martinez, woman of color, super dope. She read my chapters and completely understood what I was saying. And she would help me truncate this move this paragraph up, bring this paragraph down.

[00:12:42] And that was really important just to even get the proposal in a right space because if your proposal isn't good, you're not going to get anywhere. And I also like to shout out Damon Young. He was really helpful with that as well.

[00:12:54] You talked about just a minute ago about when you see opportunity, you see the work. What was it like getting the deal and then having to really dig in and do the work of writing the essays and while working full time,

[00:13:08] working from home and like living life as a black girl in the middle? I had never had to rise to that occasion prior. So, you know, working full time has its own demands. Excuse me, working full time during the pandemic is just like OK.

[00:13:25] And then working full time during a pandemic, but also trying to write a book was so emotionally exhausting. It required a time management that I didn't have before. It required an emotional splitting of myself. So I had to be able to have enough energy to do the work

[00:13:45] that I was getting paid for and then have enough energy to do the work that was required of me for this book. I don't want to sugarcoat anything, but for me, being a writer, oftentimes feels like vomiting. And you have to vomit up a lot of these emotions.

[00:14:03] And then when you have dope editors like I had, Fernanda Maya also shout out to Jen Baker. Jen specifically, she was like, excellent. Now go and the vomit and find the food that made you do it. Let's write about that. You know what I'm saying?

[00:14:19] Jen was not playing games with me and I had the utmost respect for her. She she she got me together, you know, but it was a lot. So Jen and I work together at a nonprofit and I had it on the show for Forgive Me Not.

[00:14:37] So our episode just aired like a couple of weeks ago. But that that is that is Jen. Jen with wonderful grades. Let's go back. Yes, circle back and specificity. Yes, yes, you know, I have so many questions about that because like,

[00:14:55] so I write fiction and so for me going up submission, the book was done. And so like all of the vomiting that I had to do, even though it's behind the character and all of that juggling,

[00:15:05] it was already on the page by the time my agent took it there. But like you are having to mine your life, your experiences and your emotions and put them on the page. When were you actually doing the writing when you got the deal?

[00:15:20] And what year was that? All right, so 2020 was the essay. August 2021 was the deal. So maybe from September 21. Until 2023. Oh, and I also want to be clear, as I stated earlier, I, you know, I was going to self publish. So some of these chapters I wrote 2018.

[00:15:42] But like the chunk of it, I want to say from like 2021, 2023 maybe. Did you doubt if you could do it and turn everything? Oh, girl, I had I had a girl, girl. I had the Dear Beacon Press. Thank you so it saved in drafts, saved in drafts, honey.

[00:15:59] Thank you so much for this opportunity. But it was I just did not. I did not think I was going to do it, but I just my mom calls me her little trier. You'll try. She'll just keep trying.

[00:16:12] And I just kind of I would take some time and then I would come back. I would take a walk. I would come back. I would go have a taco. I'd come back. Whatever I needed to do, you know what I'm saying?

[00:16:23] Just to get the chapter and some chapters flowed from me. And other chapters required a lot of tugging for me. I feel like the chapter on coffee was the one that required you to tug. You know, so crazy. The chapter on coffee flowed. Really?

[00:16:40] The chapter about Kimberly required me to tug. Wow. We're going to talk about it. Before we get to the specifics on the book. How did it feel then to like complete the manuscript and like submit it and send it in?

[00:16:55] I was proud of myself, but I knew we weren't done. You know, like I was like, OK. Because like once the manuscript is done, then you know, Maya, we go through it. This this doesn't fill this in. Take this out.

[00:17:09] Add this in. Cool. Then we go to copy. Then like you're missing a comment here. Do you want this here? Then we do this. Then we do this. Once it was like once I got the uncorrected proofs, I was like, OK,

[00:17:20] we out here. We out here for real. Yes. Yes. That's when that's when I was like, OK, wow. All right. So then let's get to the book. Can you read something from it? And then we'll get to my questions.

[00:17:33] Shaniqua Golding's essay collection examines life as a 30-something black woman navigating life in America, from dating in relationships to best friend breakups, accepting your inner introvert and choosing celibacy as a means of safety. Shaniqua pulls back the curtain of what life is really like for a black girl

[00:17:52] in the middle. Here's Shaniqua. I will read from Chapter Six, camera off. Page 89. I didn't write my essay because there hadn't been enough literature in regard to police violence. I wrote my story because I was hurt and sad and scared

[00:18:16] and I needed my bosses to know why my work, especially in the first few weeks after Floyd's death, may not have been up to par. There was no time or space for those in between feelings in the workplace.

[00:18:30] Joy is welcome, humor to a degree is OK, but anger, fear, uncertainty, confusion. There isn't enough money in the budget for all those feelings. So the idea of being empathetic isn't really a thing. Hell, even being polite can be viewed as a little odd.

[00:18:48] You're there to work or that's the mentality and any time spent being humane can be considered a waste. I can't tell you how many times colleagues throughout my career have jumped right into an ask and not even said good morning.

[00:19:03] I could be walking into the office coffee in hand with my coat still on. And here goes Steve from marketing asking about copy for the new campaign. The fact that I was being flooded with pictures of Chauvin's smug face

[00:19:16] with George Floyd's helpless and lifeless body underneath his knee didn't factor in for some folks. And if that wasn't registering, then my slow to respond approach to work assignments probably wasn't even factored in. So when we first logged on, you give me full time

[00:19:34] professional author, serious and sober. But reading the book, I felt like I was talking to my home girl. So like I got all of the margin notes and underlines and question marks. When you said you can make the best macaroni and cheese,

[00:19:45] I put the little side eyes on like really says that's a bold claim. That's a bold claim when it says test. OK. Yes. Oh, I was having to like, OK, she's she's in professional author mode.

[00:20:01] She's not here to cut up and keep with you on the mic today. But you start the book, as you said, with the chapter about your name being Shaniqua. My name is Nikesha. We have two very black girl names. Very black girl.

[00:20:15] I'm glad to know I'm not the only girl who like wanted to change her name as a child, because I was like, it's so black. It's heavy. And then like when even even to this day, when people be like,

[00:20:26] when they they'll say my name, like, oh, you have a beautiful name. And I'm like, are you gassing me? Like, are you serious? Are you playing with me? Like every other girl I went to high school with was named some kind of Keisha. It's really a thing.

[00:20:38] And why was that important for you to start the book off with that introduction of yourself and also that kind of self acceptance? So I was originally going to write an introduction before chapter one. And Maya was just like, no, I just do chapter one.

[00:20:54] Right. So shout out to my for having that insight. My name is it's my name, you know, like in and for whatever reason. So funny. I went to I went to lunch. Colleague of Miami went to pick up our lunch and I asked him, you know,

[00:21:09] why did your parents name you with the name? Do he told me and he was like, yeah, you look like a Shaniqua. I do. He was like, yeah. Like you give me Shaniqua vibes. What are Shaniqua vibes? Energy. And I was fully prepared for him to be like,

[00:21:23] just give me all the negative connotations, you know, because that's what I've always heard throughout my life. And me starting off that chapter that way felt right. I just wanted to just set the tone like, yo, I'm a black girl. Like, that's what it is.

[00:21:39] That's who I am. It's giving foresee and that's who I am. Like, what's up? You know what I mean? Like, that's it. That's it. And I have not always been here. I have not always been here, but I'm here now.

[00:21:51] And I think that's something that resonates throughout the book about just your growth from girl to teen to woman in your name, in your body, in how the world sees you and you see the world and also in your friendship.

[00:22:06] So you said that Kimberly, which is the second chapter, was a difficult chapter for you to write. And that is about, you know, breaking up with a best friend and someone who's been instrumental in your life. Can you talk more about why that was important for you

[00:22:23] to really like dig into and how difficult it was? Because I've seen like people tweet like, oh, you know, best friend breakups are so hard, but you know, like a hot take and 280 characters really doesn't do it. That was a really challenging chapter for me to write

[00:22:37] because as stated in the chapter, there was still a lot of resentment toward Kimberly that I had at the time. There was still so much confusion about that. And I want your listeners to also understand that with Kimberly and Redacted, especially you guys

[00:22:52] got a real sanitized version of the events. I'm sure. So so if Beacon Press wants to dance again, we can. You know, I mean, like we had a few more characters in that and get it, you know what I mean?

[00:23:05] But that was a really challenging chapter for me because my loyalty was questioned. My integrity was questioned. My like, I thought she was my girl was questioned. And when this book comes out and people read it, I assume they're going to have some feelings.

[00:23:23] They didn't have about that chapter. Some are going to think that not, she knew when you was dead wrong. I know there's going to think that maybe not. So we'll see how that works. But it was a really it was really challenging to me

[00:23:34] because I felt as though she wanted obedience. And I am not here for that. So my favorite chapter is a chapter about dating. Chapter five. Yeah. What I love about that chapter is because, like I said, we are the same age, so I am divorced.

[00:23:50] And so I've been tiptoeing into the dating pool. And you said a lot of the things that. Are important. Specifically, I'm going to have to probably edit this out. But yes, size does matter. Um, I appreciated you for like uttering that truth on the page.

[00:24:08] I was like, she understands she sees me. But in like making a life, I feel like so often black women are always in conversation about the tension between the life we have, the life we want and where the man is or where they're going to fit.

[00:24:27] Why was that important for you to like really be on the page? You be like, you know what? F these ninjas. I'm getting my coffee because it never disappoints. So I have given so much more than my body to men. And I have gotten nothing in return.

[00:24:53] So that is why I'm no longer having sex until I'm married. Me, Shanique with me. And what I have learned about this practice being absent is that unfortunately, men will find other things to take. They'll take your time. They'll take your energy. They'll take you for granted.

[00:25:16] They'll find writing that chapter was about me making what I believe is the best sexual decision for me. But it was so much more than sex, though. It was it was so much more. It was it was about like just being disregarded, rubs you raw.

[00:25:33] It does. And I was just tired of that. And I wanted to just really stand firm. Like this is where I'm at with it. And I decided that I was going to center me. I'm going to center me in my wants. And will it make dating difficult?

[00:25:49] I don't know. But I just know where I'm at. I hope I answered your question. You did answer my question. And this is not a dating podcast. And we know we're not about to go there. But no, like we don't platform the bros.

[00:26:04] But I just I'm just for real. But I feel like in my own friendship, there's always, I think, the compromise or the talk about the struggle or the sacrifice or what should I do or when is the right time to do this, that and third?

[00:26:23] How did you beyond just sex get comfortable in just who you are as a person and your singleness, despite any insecurity or the labels and the ideas in the age of the late Kevin Samuels that society might try to put on you.

[00:26:46] You know what? I'm going to keep it with you. Some days I'm not always comfortable in it. I'm not because. But I keep it real with you. Loneliness is safer sometimes and I'd rather be safe. I really enjoy the growth that's happening in this space.

[00:27:03] And there are people who will say, like, true growth doesn't happen until you're in partnership, until me and the key should get married. That that's the only time we really going to know if our old self, you know what I'm saying? Where I'm at right now.

[00:27:16] The growth that is happening with me, I'm OK with. I'm good with my decision making. I'm good with my singleness. I'm good with where I'm at because this is just where I'm at. And I'm going to jeopardize that. I have a lot of good things in my life.

[00:27:34] I have this book, I have my friends, I have my health, I have my mind. And I don't want to sacrifice any of that with the introduction of a man. Now I'm not saying that there aren't good men out there

[00:27:46] who won't add all the good things, allegedly, quote, air quotes. But I'm not really willing to take that chance right now. And there are times when I want the companionship and the attention. But like I said, loneliness, unfortunately, is safer. Feel you on that.

[00:28:03] And I would also argue to those who are saying like only true growth happens in partnership. I think growth is the choice, whether you're in partnership or you're single. So, yes, partnership can show you and reflect to you areas that you might be blind to.

[00:28:21] But if you're intentional about doing the work, you should be growing regardless of your. Iris filing status. So this book is written from the point of view of someone and this 30 something looking toward the next decade of your life. What would you say?

[00:28:42] Or do you have any advice for young women that are 20 something coming up and then may face or how could deal with some of these same struggles or journeys that you did? It all comes together in the end.

[00:28:58] And by no means am I saying this is the end for me, Lord, no. But it all comes together. And what I find for myself is that like I'm getting back to who Shinigwa really is. Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. Like I diluted her.

[00:29:14] I allow the ocean would be influenced and do things. I'm getting back to who she really is. It all comes together. I would try my very best as a young 20 some 25 year old girl, making it. Try and move through the fire with as much grace as possible.

[00:29:32] Try your very best. And let me tell you something. You can be graceful and angry at the same time. But try and move through the fire with as much grace as possible and find something that will anchor you.

[00:29:44] And every L you take is going to be a W in the end, I promise. Amen. Hmm. Absolutely. Now that you have written this book. What's next for you? Oh, girl, I'm minding my business, honey. Oh, baby, I'm minding my business. We just got I am.

[00:30:08] I am very thankful that the book is out. I'm thankful that I've done it and I'm going to try and take some piano lessons, take some swimming lessons and like live. Yeah, I don't I don't really have any plans. I'm still surprised that I got it done.

[00:30:27] I'm just like really still surprised that I got it done. But yeah, that's where I'm at. That's what's up. So I want to move to a speed round in a game before I let you go for the morning. What is your favorite book?

[00:30:37] My favorite book is a Black Girl in the Middle. Essays on Allegedly Figuring It All Out by Sinegal Golding. However, outside of that, have you ever read When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalenithy? No. Dr. Paul Kalenithy.

[00:30:53] This Dr. Paul Kalenithy is a I'm going to say a neurosurgeon who finds out that he has cancer and his book is just him examining his life. And girl, the first time I read it, I cried. The second time I read it, I cried.

[00:31:10] It is a breathtaking book that as well as the Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace, written by Jeff Hobbs. An amazing book. Queenie Girl. Queenie had me wanting to move to London. Am I going to hold you? Queenie had me wanting to move to London.

[00:31:28] I go hold you. I know there are so many. So there was a moment. There was a moment in time where I was on like my Chimamanda run and I was about to move to Lagos. So America, Purple High Biscuits, just that. Just you know what I'm saying?

[00:31:45] Like I was yellow sun. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I'm about to. I'm about to move to Lagos. So those are just a few. OK. Who is your favorite author? I don't. Oh, my God, I don't have a favorite author. And I hate that.

[00:32:00] I love anyone who is brave enough to pick up a pen. Chimamanda, Roxane Gay, Essay Crosby. He is phenomenal with thrillers. Tony, Maya, Jimmy. Like the delights of this thing. Yeah. Clover Hope, Dmitri Lucas, Aliyah King, anybody who who's just brave enough to do it.

[00:32:28] Who was your favorite artist? Musical artists, it depends on what mood I'm in. There are days where kind of blue still feels like it just came out to me. There are days where you know how Twitter likes to show old clips

[00:32:45] of musicians, like when Whitney Houston was singing to the sailors or when she it's just like. This is this is so crass. And I was like, I'm so she has no business being dead. And it's the truth. And it's really does it.

[00:32:58] And that's why I sighed because it is just like it hurts every day. It does hurt every single time. It's just like for me, like my vocal Bible is Brandy Norwood. Like you are never going to get me to say anything bad about that woman.

[00:33:14] I have the utmost respect for Nina Bob. I haven't listened to cowboy card in like a week. So I'm going through withdrawals. Is this an intentional withdrawal? It's right. It's just like, wow, you really are here playing yourself. Um, I love a lot of jazz too.

[00:33:36] I say what do you think is the best book to movie or TV show adaptation? I will tell you this maybe 10 years ago, 12 years ago. I want to say there was a rumor of a rock sand gaze untamed state was going to be a movie.

[00:33:51] And I said, no, no, no. That book I had to take weeks apart from it. Brilliant, horrible in the best way to say like if I say to you, like, don't read this book, but read this book, but don't read this book.

[00:34:12] And I'd say this for the utmost respect. I'm kind of glad it didn't become a movie. I feel you. But I don't I don't have a real I don't have a real answer for that right now. It's OK. And I think I know why.

[00:34:26] So we're just going to move on. Money were no objects. Where would you go? Where would you live and what would you do? Money were no object. I would be in Vietnam. I'd sit on a beach. And I probably cry for a day or two.

[00:34:47] And then just going about life. Hmm. Can I ask why cry? I think that I'm holding a lot of tension and anxiety and resentment. And I think I am not in a position to let it out. Like, I'm scared to see how I come undone

[00:35:06] because I would have to put myself together. And that's it. Thank you for sharing. Name three things on your bucket list. Learning the piano, going to Africa. I've never been to Africa. I feel like that's like so black. Like, how have I not gone to the continent yet?

[00:35:24] Like, it's I feel like basic. And I'm about to answer to you. Like, my goal is just to be like a master student. Hmm. I just want to be really, really good at being open to learning. Oh, yes. Like that's that's that's really what it is.

[00:35:45] What brings you joy? Slow mornings, cup of coffee. I love doing makeup, taking walks. I love taking walks. Quiet and I love seeing like small acts of love. Does that make sense? It does. Small acts of love, like.

[00:36:10] I was I was coming off the bus the other day and I saw this they were like this high school couple and high school boys, they're like 10 foot six now. And he was talking to you super short.

[00:36:21] And he bent down and gave her a kiss on her forehead while she was doing something. And I was like, I think he really likes her. I mean, feel good. So I like that that makes me smile. And what brings you peace? Oh, what brings me peace?

[00:36:39] Rainy days, quietness, a clean home. Honey, a clean home. Being given the time to think about a choice and a decision before I make it. And reading books. So our game is called rewriting the classics. Classic is however you define it.

[00:37:03] Name the one book you wish you would have written. Why would you say that to me? I cannot answer that. I cannot. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you the one song I wish I wrote. OK. John Legend's Ordinary People. Yes.

[00:37:20] I am just like, is that why you want to learn piano? Maybe. It is such a brilliant, simple, profound. Yes. So that that song, I wish I wrote that song. Name one book where you want to change the ending and how would you do it? Oh, OK.

[00:37:44] So I would change the short and tragic life of Robert P. says, I'm sure you understand he had a short and tragic life. I would change it so that he never worked at the airport. And with Dr. Paul Colenithy, I would change it

[00:38:00] so that the cancer never came back. And so my messy question. You may have a messy. It's a messy question. You may or may not answer it. Name a book that you think is overrated or overtaught. And why? Oh, girl, girl, girl. Here we go. What's the one?

[00:38:19] The Alchemist. Your whole face is like, I don't even understand if you tell me you read The Alchemist Girl by. I read The Alchemist about a decade, maybe maybe about a decade or so ago, because everybody was talking about the Alchemist, the Alchemist, Alchemist.

[00:38:33] It helps you find your purpose in life. And I was like, I read it and I was like, why are we in the desert? And like, I get it, you know, like you go on this epic journey to find out that all you needed was like next door

[00:38:47] in the backyard chilling at the house. But why are we in the desert? Why is there a mirage? Maybe they want to go to Coachella. That would have been a better use of time and story and story. All right, I'm going to play with you.

[00:39:07] Final question for the day. When you are dead and gone and among the ancestors, what would you like someone to write about the legacy of words and work that you've left behind? She tried her best. Hmm. She tried her very best.

[00:39:27] Big thank you to Shaniqua Golding for being here today on Black and Published. Make sure you check out Shaniqua's debut essay collection, A Black Girl in the Middle, essays on allegedly figuring it all out. Out now from Beacon Press.

[00:39:42] And if you're not following Shaniqua, follow her on the socials. She's at Golden Girl on Instagram and Golden Girl 617 on Twitter. That's our show for the week. If you like this episode and want more Black and Published, head to our Instagram page.

[00:40:01] It's at Black and Published, and that's BLK and Published. There I've posted a bonus clip for my interview with Shaniqua about how getting back to her true self is really getting back to who she was as a child.

[00:40:16] Make sure you check it out and let me know what you think in the comments. I'll highlight y'all next week when our guests will be Rys M. Nielsen, author of the novel, A Love Like the Sun. People say they don't want to self insert, but it's it's hard

[00:40:30] to not do that for me. I think I just write what I'm feeling at the time or write what I'm thinking or write what I'm interested in. And at the time that I was writing this novel, it felt almost like a diary experience.

[00:40:43] Like I had to write about this woman because just transparency here, I have chronic kidney disease. That's next week on Black and Published. I'll talk to you then. Peace.